Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones spiraled into a bare-chested meltdown this week as a media rival drew closer to gaining control over his embattled media empire.

The Onion, the satirical news website, has reached a deal to purchase Alex Jones' Infowars website and complete a plan to turn the famous conspiracy-spreading outlet into a mockery of itself.

But vowing to fight the acquisition, which had already been dragged out for 17 months for reasons no one, let alone Onion CEO Ben Collins, can figure out, Jones threatened the fake newspaper with furt...